About Me
I am a notorious, self-confessed over-thinker. I’m not exactly sure when it started but when I was 9 years old, I was diagnosed with an over-active left brain that resulted in childhood epilepsy and my pedia-neuro had attributed that illness to (you guessed it) over-thinking. Yes, at 9 years old. It seemed like my brain is always on over-drive and it’s causing seizures inside my brain. Thankfully, I’ve outgrown the epilepsy but didn’t seem to have gotten over the over-thinking bit because fast forward to 28 years after and it’s still the same story. In November 2017, I started exhibiting various symptoms (digestive problems, dizziness, sudden severe headaches, tinnitus, numbness and weakness, heartbeat irregularity, difficulty breathing, muscle spasms, pinched nerve – name it, I probably experienced it), underwent a lot of tests, saw numerous specialists including functional medicine practitioners, and the culprit (so they say) is stress and yes, over-thinking. My brain just can’t seem to shut off.
And of all the things I over-think about, ensuring that my son is safe, healthful, and growing up with a sound mind and a grateful heart is what I think about, day in and day out.
Far from perfect but made perfect by HIS LOVE.
Perhaps the only time I am able to stop thinking and able to let go of my anxieties and to-do lists is when I’m in the presence of God either in church attending Holy Mass or serving, in the blessed sacrament worshipping His presence, or in my room simply praying. I am first of all a child of GOD. From as far back as i can remember, I have always felt a personal connection with God and find solace in praying and just enjoying the calm and silence inside the adoration chapel. I pray about everything, anytime, anywhere and attribute all successes – big or small – to my Lord. But my biggest struggle as an over-thinker though is relinquishing control and abandoning myself and my priorities to God. I often find myself praying very specifically, almost barking orders (shame on me) to my God, only to be reminded of course that HE IS GOD and I’m not. Indeed, “He can do all things and no purpose of His can be thwarted (Job 42:2)” especially not by a bossy, control freak like me.
I am a work in progress
I am an only child, I married my high school boy friend who happens to be the brother of my best friend, I am a proud mother of a wonderful boy who never fails to amaze us all with his never-ending achievements, but I am—nor my life is—far from perfect. Being an only child, I’m used to being the center of attention, struggle with bouts of entitlement, can be domineering, to get my way which I feel is the best way. Marrying my boyfriend since I was 16 means that I am forever haunted by my immature tendencies to be jealous and over-bearing and by the petty sins of the past, so coming into our marriage, we never really had a clean slate so to speak. Being blessed with a text-book baby who was blessed with off-the-charts IQ, EQ, AQ, and exhibited giftedness since he was an infant morphed me into a helicopter/tiger mom against my will and best intentions and I struggle every day with stepping back and just letting him be, abandoning my control, and letting my God take over.
Some call it luck. I call it GRACE.
I’ve been called lucky many times. My husband, for instance, tells me that whenever I’m with him, looking for a parking space (even inside a full-parking mall) seems to always be a breeze; My son calls the rain my “friend” because we almost always arrive at our destination before a heavy downpour; My best friend observed that once I start using or patronizing a product or service, it will boom in one way or the other. But I refuse to believe that it is brought about by chance because amidst all those mundane circumstances is my all-powerful backer, so it’s more of an unmerited favor really, which I am joyfully grateful for no matter how small.
