What’s wrong with an only child?

I have a confession to make. Every time I miss my monthly period, even if it’s just for a day, I already secretly hope that I’m pregnant (even if it’s not scientifically possible), and yes I even actually take a pregnancy test and start praying about it. But most of the time (like today), the minute I do, I start spotting, and it feels like God’s being too kind to me and just gives me a flat NO, before I get my hopes up any further.

Then it got me thinking… Why am I feeling disappointed and sad? What was wrong with having only one child? I mean, I am an only child and I’m pretty happy and content being one. Then I realized, more than anything, I think it’s the pressure of having to live up to society’s concept and expectation of an ideal family, that’s disrupting my otherwise peaceful picture of my own happy family. You know the drill – while we were single, people asked “are you dating anyone?”; when we’re dating someone exclusively, they will ask “so when are you getting married?”; once married, the next question was “are you trying to get pregnant?” and when we are blessed with a baby, there it goes, “when will you give him/her a brother/sister?” Conceptually, those questions should be easy to shrug off as harmless or mere small talk…but for some of us, those can actually disrupt our peace, haunt us and hover over us for days—or in my case, seep into my subconscious and actually sow a seed of discontent into my otherwise content heart.

And because the intrusive questions will probably keep coming (we all know bad habits are hard to break), I thought it might be helpful to list down some of the many reasons why having an only child, is actually okay (even if many believe otherwise):

1. Chances are, you will be your child’s best friend

Being an only child, I remember doing everything with my mom and dad. Wherever they went, I tagged along happily. In my mind, we were one unit and inseparable, and I took pride in being the tie that binds them (or at least that’s how it felt). I was always their plus-one in all invitations (otherwise, they will just say they’re not going). Growing up, they were my closest confidantes. They brought me to parties, waited for me until the wee hours of the morning while I danced the night away with friends, knew all their names by heart, listened to my rants, celebrated my victories…It was fun! Because we had a bond that went beyond parent-and-child, they also confided in me, trusted me enough to let me sit-in family discussions, and even valued my opinion and decisions, so I grew up strong-willed, empowered and decisive, believing in my heart that I had a voice and I can make a difference.

2. Your child will know how to love and give

Let’s face it. The best part about being an only child will always be, of course, having mom and dad’s full love and attention. That said, with an emotional love tank that is almost always full (in fact more often, too full to overflowing), chances are, your child will not be approaching life as a zero-sum game. If you’ve ever read or heard about the story, “How Full Is Your Bucket?” by Tom Rath and May Reckmeyer, then you know that when your child’s invisible bucket is full, he feels great and goes by his day full of positive energy and enthusiasm, not to mention excited to go on filling other people’s bucket too. Trust me. Your child will go out to the world wanting to create value, spreading good vibes, paying your love forward.

3. Your only child will strive to be great

For most kids, the most important reason for wanting to be good is for the love of parents. Perhaps the best gauge of that love is when parents take time for and with the child, listening with undivided attention, being present during important occasions. And for your only child who grew up having you around, no doubt about it, he knows and feels your love, and will be motivated to be great, all for and because of you. Watch out though because it’s very common for ‘only children’ to set self-imposed high standards for themselves, becoming too much of a perfectionist, that some end up over-thinking (ahem, ahem) so as not to disappoint his/her loved ones, that as parents, we have to let them know that it’s okay too to just be okay.

I can go on and on, but these are my Top 3 Reasons. Am I advocating having just one child? No, not really. I see how having siblings can be fun and I admire the staunch loyalty brothers and sisters have for one another, and of course, God willing, I would want my son to have that too. But for families of 3 like ours who are not (yet) blessed with another child, or even for couples who made a conscious decision to just have one child, it’s actually okay. It doesn’t and shouldn’t make us feel less of a parent for not being able to provide a sibling to our child. At the end of the day, it will all boil down to loving the child we are blessed with and becoming the best set of parents we can be.

I look at my son and I only feel happy contentment. Because really, how can any parent feel anything but pride and joy with the child that we are blessed with? So the next time I’m asked why I’m still not pregnant with a second baby, my answer will simply be: “Because our son is more than enough, in fact he is pretty amazing” and there’s nothing wrong with that.